So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
