Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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