New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
