k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
