so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
