u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
