Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
