i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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