I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
