I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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