omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
