Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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