rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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