my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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