I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
