I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
