i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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