your room smells of hookers.
And success
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
