Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
vagina is talking i cant
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
