id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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