It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
