I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
