Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
