New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
