Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
