i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
