Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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