Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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