kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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