P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
