they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
