Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
