I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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