she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
