she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
