VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want her autograph on my taint
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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