OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We left an ass print on the piano.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
