She said her name was "party"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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