Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
