was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
how drunk are you?
Several
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
