You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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