mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
