Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
