I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
