i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
