i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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