i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
