i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
