U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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