When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
