You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
