did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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