Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
